Inner Child Wounds Assessment

Both parents at homeDivorced parents – shared time with both parentsA single parent – one parent was absent or diedGrandparents or another adult

Talk through their problems and showed you it was ok to have things go wrong in lifeDrank alcohol or took drugs regularlySpent long periods in bed, zoned out, or yelled and screamedRegularly disappeared or left the family home for long periods of time

We had regular meals together and spend time as a family oftenWe rarely spent time as a familyMum or dad was excessively overprotective of me, I couldn’t do anything without themWe weren’t close at all, we never did anything as a family

Your partner was/is there for you when you need them, and you are in a committed relationshipYour partner was/is a workaholic, travels a lot or lives far awayYour partner was/is emotionally unavailable and generally drinks a lot, is depressed, not there when you need them, or cannot hold down a jobYour partner was /is married, in another relationship or doesn’t want to settle down

Feel confident in your relationship and don’t seem to mind the alone time when your partner is not thereFind something wrong with you partner to sabotage the relationship and avoid getting too close to themTend to be excessively jealous, possessive, or clingy to your partnerCannot stand being away from your partner and tend to worry that they will die or leave you. You may even become obsessed with your partner

Treated you with respect and provided a safe, nurturing environmentPhysically, sexually or emotionally abused youRepeatedly humiliated, teased you, put you down or called you hurtful namesWarned you not to trust people or were people you couldn’t trust

Look out for you and always make sure you were safeMake promises they had no intention of keepingLie to you or tell you something didn’t happen the way you think it didBetray your confidence and or try and manipulate you

Were able to hold space for you and you knew they understood your emotions and needsRelied on you for physical affection in an inappropriate waySeemed to get pleasure out of your sufferingMade you do things as a child by threat of severe punishment or retaliation

A partner who treated you well, respected your boundaries and has your best interest at heartA partner that took advantage of you, has a temper, puts you down in front of others, has no respect for your needs and tries to control youA partner who is unreliable, cheats on you or forces you to have sex when you don’t want toA partner that makes you feel nervous, afraid, or helpless

Can set and keep healthy boundaries with your partner and stand up for yourself when they attempt to cross your boundariesAllow partners to mistreat you because you’re afraid of them or you think that’s what you deserveGive in too easily to your partner because you’re worried what will happen if you don’tOften think your partner has an ulterior motive or bad intention without solid evidence

Supported by those around me and that I can be myself and choose how I live my lifeLonely, even when I have people around meDisconnected from those closest to me and that no one really understands meUnloved by my partner and that he can’t meet my needs

Affectionate, warm, and spent time with me as a childUnattuned to my needs, unaffectionate and somewhat cold when I was upsetNot very good at soothing me and didn’t help me learn to soothe myselfUnreliable and didn’t provide adequate guidance

Effectively communicate, meet each other needs and feel safe enough to be vulnerable with each otherDon’t tell each other what we need or feel, and I am left feeling disappointed when my needs aren’t met, or I am misunderstoodResent each other and sometimes become angry when they don’t know what I wantAccuse each other of not caring enough for the other and often feel distant or disconnected

Is affectionate, loving, interested in me for who I am, is willing to listen when I want to talk and happily communicates what is going on for themTunes out when I want to talk about important things and doesn’t generally contribute to conversationsIsn’t comfortable with being affectionate and is only available to spend time with me when it is convenient for themGives me less in the relationship than I give

Close with my family, have a good circle of friends and my relationships are generally equal and healthyNot close to anyone, not my family, I have few or no close friends and I haven’t had any significant relationshipsEmotionally closed off, I struggle to open up to others and this stops me feeling close to peopleAlways wanting more, it feels like what I have is never enough to make me feel happy or content

Understanding and accepting of your mistakes when you were learning to do thingsThreatening or got angry at you when you didn’t do things their wayUnaccepting of you making your own choices and made you feel guilty for tryingDisrespectful of your rights, needs or denied you the opportunity to just be a child

A partner who is accepting, encouraging and respectful of your opinions and choicesA partner that is domineering or has a strong sense of selfA partner who makes you feel guilty or accuses you of being selfish when you ask to do something your wayA partner who pouts, pulls away or gets easily upset when you do things your way or make suggestions they don’t like

You are in control of your life, you are confident in making your own choices and you aren’t concerned about what others think about you for those choicesGuilty when you put yourself firstThe pain of other people and usually end up taking care of them instead of looking after yourselfIf you don’t do something for someone, they won’t like you anymore

Gave you the freedom to play and make choices while being accepting of the outcomesDidn’t give you the freedom that other children hadWould get noticeably worried or depressed when you said or did anythingWeren’t around as much as other parents and you were left with the responsibilities of looking after your siblings or the house

Am comfortable taking control and aren’t afraid to ask for what I wantAre more comfortable when others take control or make the first choiceDon’t like to do anything that might upset others even if it means my needs aren’t metTake on more than my share of responsibilities